A sense of worth that can stay with you
If you often feel you are not good enough, or need to keep everyone happy, it can be tiring and lonely. We can explore where those feelings come from and how you might be less harsh with yourself.
What this can feel like
Self-esteem is the way you evaluate and relate to yourself. It can become fragile when approval, achievement or comparison decide whether you feel good enough.
Conditional confidence
You feel acceptable when you succeed, but a mistake seems to undo everything.
Seeking reassurance
Other people’s opinions carry more weight than your own needs or judgement.
Comparison
You measure your everyday life against someone else’s most impressive moments.
People-pleasing
Saying yes protects a relationship in the moment but leaves you feeling invisible.
Avoiding opportunities
Fear of getting it wrong stops you trying something that matters to you.
Discounting the good
You dismiss a compliment or explain away an achievement while remembering criticism.
Beyond proving you are good enough
Brené Brown’s work on worthiness, authenticity and wholehearted living is an influence here, particularly The Gifts of Imperfection. It invites a different starting point: being human need not disqualify you from connection.
In counselling, we can explore your own values and the conditions you have learned to place on your worth. The aim is a more dependable sense of yourself, including on the days when you struggle.
How therapy can help
We can look at the expectations you place on yourself and where they came from. I can help you try small changes without turning them into another test of your worth.
Compassion
Recognise the cost of a relentless inner critic. Practise a response to mistakes that allows responsibility and kindness to coexist.
Curiosity
Explore where the rules about being acceptable began. Notice the difference between your preferences, other people’s expectations and fear of rejection.
Change
Experiment with a small boundary, accepting a compliment or taking an imperfect first step. Review what happens rather than treating it as another test.
Let your life reflect your values
Change may look like expressing a preference, asking for help or allowing yourself to be a beginner. Confidence can grow through experience; you do not have to feel completely certain before taking a manageable step.
A little more about this work
Is self-esteem the same as shame?
They overlap, but self-esteem concerns how you evaluate yourself. Shame can feel more like being fundamentally unacceptable and wanting to hide. There is a separate Shame page for that experience.
Will this just involve positive affirmations?
We can work with the experiences and habits behind self-criticism, alongside practical changes. You do not need to persuade yourself to believe statements that feel untrue.
How do perfectionism and burnout fit in?
If worth depends on output, resting or doing something imperfectly can feel threatening. We can explore those links while also respecting your actual workload and capacity.
Explore the connections
Would you like to talk about it?
Send me a short message about what is troubling you. We can talk about what you need and whether counselling with me could help.
Get in touch